That is the place where meditation will take you. Here is where we start.
This is a book about meditations. Thoughts and places where you can go anytime because they
are all inside of you. Gentle journeys of the soul to help you find what you are looking for
because that too, is inside of you.
I started meditating after my husband of 22 years passed away. I started in the backyard of my
late mother’s home, after 11:00 pm because she was asleep by then. With a blanket, a big coat
and a comfortable chair I started outside in the late night. I cried and I sat quietly. I did not know
about meditation, I just knew I was looking for peace and some help from my Creator to get me
through this dark time.
So I sat. I listened. I closed my eyes and started to take deep breaths. I started to get messages.
Very clear ones in fact. I was totally open to anything and everything. In that space I learned how
to meditate. I had no expectations. I had no other place to go. This was the last stop for peace.
When I opened my eyes I saw incredible things. Beautiful bright stars that seemed to reach out to
me – shining brighter and brighter. I started to see shooting stars and cosmic rays of light from
the bands of the galaxy. I saw the moon with gentle light bathing me and making me feel still a
part of this great place.
So let’s start here – in the light of night, under the stars and moonlight. Everything is ok when you
start. How long you sit – you decide. If you want music – you decide. These are the tools for
starting the journey of finding yourself within. The little voice that is always right. The part of you
that is always connected to your Creator Light.
Breathe. Breathe in deeply from your nose and out through your mouth. Find your perfect
breathing rhythm. Imagine it is like the waves of the ocean. Pulling them in to shore, into yourself.
Then out to return to the deep spaces of the ocean – back outside. Then again.
Feel free to listen for answers. The questions are already known. You launched them the minute
you sat and became quiet. Now you just have to listen. The little voice will speak to you by a
vision, by a hearing, by a sensing. Feel through your body for the answer – it will be delivered in
the perfect way for you to understand. Everyone is different.
For me, one of the first times I sat I was contemplating suicide. Yes, really. I did not understand
why I was still on the planet without John. In the soft place of listening, my Uncle George (who had
passed over) brought through the only two people I know that committed suicide. I had not
thought of them in many years. They both spoke very clearly to me in a thought and it was- ”don’t
be sad like us, finish your life.” That truth broke me through the thought of suicide immediately. I
did not go back to it ever. The reason was it was Truth. Shared from the Universe. From souls
that took the time and energy to listen and help me over an incredibly difficult time.
From that point forward I listened. I meditated every night. Sometimes I did not get the answers
right away. Sometimes it would be the next day. It would be words spoken by a friend, a TV show
or in a conversation in a line at the store. It was because I was listening that I heard the answers.
So I continued to meditate. It was not always easy to find the peaceful place. Sometimes I was
angry. Sometimes I was just too tired to sit quietly. Sometimes I was too fidgety – yet I continued
to sit at night. Sometimes in the rain. Sometimes Mom would still come out and interrupt.
It was very important for me to have that time and space without interruption in the early days.
Sometimes I even drove my car to a parking lot of a big box store and parked in front of trees and
played soft music. So you see, it really is not about where, it is about where you are comfortable
and can have those minutes alone.
Writing meditation. This is another way to get yourself out of your head. Sit down with a notepad
and pen. Just start writing your thoughts out. Do not worry about grammar, spelling or the look of
it. Just let it pour out. Like pouring out all the stuff that needs to see the light. Then close the
notepad and meditate. Don’t worry about looking back over your notes. You have launched
them. They are out there ready to be answered at the right time. Just sit quietly. Breathe in,
breathe out. With each breath imagine there is a beautiful light cord that is attached between
you and the stars, between you and Creator Light. Between you and the sky and clouds, ocean
and mountains. Feel that breath and imagine that Light pouring into every cell in your body.
Every part of you seen or unseen. Then breathe out. Imagine the out breath is Love. That each
puff of air you breathe out is the Light of you sending love to everyone you know, everyone you
have not met, the entire planet and the universe. Keep breathing. You will start to feel warm. A
gentle light (colored or white – you can sense this) wraps around you like a beautiful blanket.
That is the love you are feeling. You have shared. When you share – you also receive what you
give. Breathe in Light. Breathe out Love. What you wrote in the notepad…well it doesn’t really
matter any more does it? The feeling of Love that is really all that matters right now. That feeling
is available all the time, you just have to sit quietly and remember. It is always around you. It is
so big it makes me cry tears of joy. The remembering of touching this place inside of you comes
back to you whenever you need it. You will not forget this feeling. Remember, when you start to
feel separated, remember that feeling of Love. You are whole, complete and filled with Light.
And so I continued to heal. Continued to see visions and then get affirmations very shortly after to
explain what I was seeing. To meet people that had the same experiences. Never during this
journey did I ever feel fear about what I saw or felt or heard. I knew it was Truth. I may not have
spoken about it to anyone in the early days. I just asked for guidance and explanations of what I
saw. This was my soul awakening. These were the early days of me becoming conscious and
awake to what I am and why I am here.
For some of us on this journey there is a single point on the path. The intersection of awakening.
The Big Moment. Mine was in April 2004 – two months after John had passed.
I was empty. I was lost. I was done. I was in surrender. In the old days that was a bad word.
Surrender is a beautiful word. Surrender is a beautiful moment. It is the moment when you realize
everything you created cannot stand up by itself any longer. It is the moment I put down my
notepad and pen because I could not read what I was writing. The words were washing off the
page with my tears. It is the moment that I knelt on the floor at night and said I am empty. I am
done. I surrender. If you want me to stand up one more day, it is up to you God. If you want me to
continue breathing it is up to you God. I surrender. I cannot continue the way I have been. I
That was the Big Moment. That was when Light so bright came flowing into me. When the lights
inside of me cracked open like a beautiful seed pod. From bright white blue light at the top to
beautiful magenta pink. I saw all my chakra lights. God was there. The lights were brilliant. My
message was that I am here to help. Again Truth. Again a simple message never to be forgotten.
Simple words and Trust. From that moment I never had a worry about why I am here. I just
remember those words. I am here to help. Even if by helping it means that I breathe in Light and
breathe out Love – cool. I can do that. Whatever help meant then or means now to me does not
matter. It is just a simple truth. I am here to help. Those words have kept me warm in the dark,
cold nights of healing in grief. Those words have kept me on the path even when I only knew how
to put one foot in front of the other, to take one breath, then another.
I know that there have been many other Moments for me. Just has beautiful, just as graceful and
full of Truth and Love.
I once asked why my signs aren’t as big as billboards anymore (they really used to be that big).
The answer was, because I am listening. Same goes with the Moments. They are all beautiful
and full of love and light, so there is really no measurement or judgment, they just are there.
One of the intents of this book is to help others find this place on their path without having to crack
open through grief. Without having to wait until their existence is ripped wide open.
So my meditations continued. I played a lot of music (chantings and soft instrumentals). I burned
candles and sage. I went to seminars and found teachers. I found the people that I needed
during the next year or so to help me understand some of the experiences. To find many others
out there that saw the same visions and heard the same messages was quite reassuring.
I spent a couple of days in Cambria with my dog, Jake (magical dog, now passed) and journaled
my dreams about a new teacher. Driving back to Palm Desert I heard about a class that Saturday
with a former Ishaya monk. He was one of the best teachers I have ever met. We did a lot of
work. We did more than work and learned that the relationship that grew from teacher and
student to friends was just fine. He did not let me play the grief card. He helped me learn how to
clear behaviors and old patterns that no longer served. He taught me to how to meditate no
matter where you are or what is going on around you. He said I should be able to meditate at 5:00
PM at Grand Central Station. He was right. When you feel the need for peace, you just have to
go inside and breathe. That is the best way to describe it. He helped me learn to work through
things very quickly where I could not linger in the “non-joy” for very long. Because of that I
realized what joy felt like. I realized when I was not in joy. When you realize you are not in joy you
make the choice (free will) to go back to joy.
That is where I learned – take three breaths and change your mind.
Really it was that simple. Getting there took a lot of work, yet after a few months of talking to
myself during the day, talking to God at night and asking questions I realized that feeling joy was
completely up to me. I also realized that the time between when I got bumped out of joy and chose
to be back in joy became shorter and shorter.
I used to play in the non-joy mode for days, weeks and months. Didn’t we all? Isn’t that the old
human pattern of victim mode? There is nobody doing anything “to” you. Just you. When you
take responsibility for your reality and understand that everything happening to you is because of
you, you become much more gentle with yourself (and others). In those moments of grace and
forgiveness you learn to be free of judgment. To be free of fear is love. To be free to feel joy is a
choice. Change your mind and choose joy!
The space of time between feeling “not joy” and feeling joy can be as short as taking three
breaths and changing your mind. They are concentrated, focused and deliberate choices to be
connected with your Creator Light and not the old thinking ego.
It is in the knowing that you have a choice and the knowing of when you are not feeling joy that
you can make that choice that you are free. That you are exercising free-will of the highest and
best for you and All That Is.
So, in some dark moments, alone at night in Palm Desert, when I put on the old sweater of
separation, desertion and aloneness I learned – to take three breaths and change my mind. By
the third breath I was back in the loving warmth embrace of the Light of Love. By the third breath I
was surrounded by gentle guides and light beings, angels and masters and knew that I was not
alone and that there was no separation. No one had deserted me. And aloneness became
AllOneness where I was connected to everything.
Practice this meditation of taking three breaths and changing your mind. Anytime you feel the ego
kick in… that is the fear of past, present or future things, events or people. Anything that takes
your out of joy. You are always equipped to heal that with forgiveness and love. To heal it may
even mean leaving it behind. It doesn’t matter because in that place of non-judgment you will
move on to where you are supposed to be and those old thoughts and patterns about “that thing”
When issues arrive I like to use this method. I place the issue on a turntable. I take three breaths
and examine what has floated up for me from all angles (looking at it through my heart now, not
my mind or ego-self). From the heart – the answer is always that it is something I had to change
about the way I thought of it. Not anyone else or anything else. Just me, just the way I was being.
When I look at these issues through love and with love the answer is always there and it is a
softer way of being Human.
In that space of thinking through your heart you have this amazing power of being so much softer
and so much gentler with yourself. You do not feel the need to strive for anything. You do not feel
the need to be somewhere else or be someone else. You realize how perfect that this moment
came to teach you a blesson (lessons as blessings). In that moment you have taken a few more
steps down the path. You are lighter. You are more free of past patterning. You are Love.
Meditation at Grand Central Station
Ok now you get it. Now you understand that wherever you go you are able to breathe and so you
are able to meditate. Meditation is breathing. In fact, you will see that all day long, from when you
wake up to go to sleep – some days are all meditation. When you are in your heart you are
meditating. You are connecting with All That Is. You are connecting to Creator Light. You are
Creator Light. There is no them and you, there just is breathing which is life. These are the great
days. These are the days when you feel full and know. These are the days when you are the little
voice all day long. When you are learning and listening and being all in the same moments.
These are the days when you are helping because you came to help also. We are all here for the
same purpose. We came to help. We came to be fully awake and conscious beings.
There are many ways to help. I have learned that for me helping is thinking good thoughts. About
staying in my heart and no judgment. If I am feeling fear or judgment I feel it through my entire
body now. It is not a good feeling, it is like a signal for me to change my mind and choose a better
Thoughts become words. In speaking out loud we are launching to the Universe our intention and
our perception of what is in our reality. We are Creators of this great illusion. Why create
anything other than love and light, than beauty and peace and grace? So choose your words
carefully. This does not mean be afraid to speak your Truth as your Truth will come shining
through your words. There is no fear in speaking your Truth, it is knowing where the words are
coming from that matters. When they come from your heart, they are Truth. When they come
from your mind/head they are not. Your heart is always right. When you cannot decide hold your
words and sit quietly with them. You may even decide to not speak at all.
Taking it to the next level
You are awake and aware. You meditate. You know the soft, peaceful place in side of you. You
know the bright Light, the place of visions and words and incredible beauty of the Universe that is
in side of you. You know what is around you in your current situation and reality. Dream the next
step in. By these I dreams I mean – in the highest and best for all concerned thought, not the I
want, I need things, stuff, people, etc.
So take it up to the next level. You know what will give you joy. The Universe knows what you
desire. Hold a thought of that like a new seed and gently care for it. Shower it with Light. Ask for
more clarity in your dreams. Then surrender. In your surrender you have made space for the
Universe to deliver your dream. Then sit back and know that when you have thought a clear
thought, spoken an intent with clarity and love and release it with surrender and trust – what
comes to you is so much more and so much better than your dream – there is the magic. There is
Love and More Love
Take Three Breaths and
Change Your Mind © 2010 Laura Hamill